Zugzwang
by Yaraslava Rada
Summary: (OR How this Episode Should Have Ended.) Inconsolable is not a word I use lightly...


**Zugzwang**

Shock…was what hit me first, as soon as I knew what she was planning on doing. I'm a profiler after all; if I can't think several steps ahead of an Unsub I'm not doing my job. But this time I was too late. Thick as molasses the shock coated my cerebral cortex, slowing my thoughts until the 'WAIT!' came an instant too late. I flinched at the Bang, averting my eyes in disbelief, but light travels faster than sound and that nanosecond…their closed eyes, one in serenity, the other in resignation, as the bullet began it's treacherous path…that image will forever be engraved in my memory.

Almost immediately grief flooded my senses, until, hands shaking, I broke out in sobs as my brain calculated a thousand and one different outcomes to tonight's disaster. If only I had refused to give in to her demands, didn't offer the trade, kissed her back with more feeling…but none of that mattered now because my 'right thing to do' had somehow been the wrong thing to do.

My dream came back to me, the team easing my cold feet as Penelope married Maeve and I, and now there was a face to go in that image, lips to go along with that heavenly voice that I would never hear again.

I rushed to her side, dropping to my knees, bullet wound screaming in protest as I quickly pulled her away from the devil that had killed her, heedless of the blood pooling around them. I brushed her bangs from her face, smearing the blood from her forehead, trying desperately to not fall completely apart.

Distantly I heard Hotchner calling for a paramedic, someone else was saying something…I tuned into it, only to realize it was me whispering 'I love you' in a nonstop chant as though she could hear me, as though it would bring her back, as though not five minutes ago I hadn't told her the exact opposite hoping to save her from this very fate.

My lips quivered as an endless stream of tears burned my eyes and blurred my vision. My thumb ran soothing circles on her cheek trying to imagine a smile on her face, the laughter coming from her soon to be cold, dead lips. I was still shaking all over when I realized I wasn't holding myself together, I had already fallen to pieces…too many times now, too many times I've been torn apart and just expected to pick myself up, to continue on as though something I do makes a difference. All too soon the paramedics were here. Morgan and some nameless man had to pull me from her. They ushered me into an ambulance, but the tears never once stopped.

They had to knock me out for surgery, the bullet lodged in my shoulder had to be removed. Morgan made sure they didn't give me narcotics, but by this point I was too apathetic to even care. When I woke Penelope was by my bedside playing solitaire on her laptop.

"Hey boy-genius. How do you feel?" I just shot her a blank look before looking off into the corner of the room. At first I thought the doctors ignored Morgan and I was loopy…the corner seemed further away then it should have been…I glanced over to see a curtain dividing most of the room in half. Was the hospital so full they had to double me up? The FBI couldn't get me a room to myself? Penelope, the underestimated non-profiler that she is caught me staring and read me like a book. "…she had a head wound on top of a concussion, but she's expected to make a full recovery." My eyes shot to her's wide and surprised.

"-Maeve-?" In answer she pulled aside the curtain. There amongst the sheets, looking incredibly tiny and pale, was Maeve. Instantly I was on my feet, stumbling to her side. My fingers found the pulse in her throat and I melted into a puddle of relief. I just stood there for a while, letting the feeling of her heartbeat sooth me.

Ten, fifteen, (twenty?) minutes later Penelope eased me back into my bed, but my eyes remained glued to her face. She's alive…

'I love you' was my last coherent thought as my eyes drifted shut.

(We've still got a shot at this…)

AN:/ HATED the ending of this episode cause you don't know if they killed her or not…if they did kill her they've got a lot of angry fans, but if they didn't, it's just another Prentiss…can they come up with anything original? Reid's face at the end, bangs hanging in his eyes, expression screwed up in emotional pain…awful!…but at least it got me writing. :)

AN2:/ *Spoilers* I wrote this before I even thought to look up next weeks synopsis, and the writer Breen has made it perfectly clear about Maeve's fate.

-YR


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